Don't make out with my wife yet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
