toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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