Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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