there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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