Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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