theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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