is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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