with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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