If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
