Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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