I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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