She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
