Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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