Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We had to coat check the pizza.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
