apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
