I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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