Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
