god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
