So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
