Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
