I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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