There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So many bounce houses so little time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
