you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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