great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
