He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
