her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
