i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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