he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
