Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
