I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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