Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
