So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so that wasnt chicken after all
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
