the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
