Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
