That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
