I wanna bring you to show and tell
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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