yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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