Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
