just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
MIDGETS
????
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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