Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
