Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
