He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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