I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
