Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
