just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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