yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
