If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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