areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
