....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
