a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
