I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize