I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
