I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
