If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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