A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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