Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
