i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
