sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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