my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
