I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Are we still banned from the library?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
