I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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