Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
