So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
