thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm passing your future prison.
Sober January is a disaster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize