btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Welp...herpes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
