i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
