Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
