i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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