new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
