How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
